A C C E P T A N C E

Besides the silhouette of the street light, a couple was impatiently sitting in the car waiting in line for an available car park slot. They had been there for close to an hour and it was piling up the undesired frustration of waiting. An unpleasant tiff at home over the choice of a place to have dinner, an hour earlier did nothing but helped to pen up the unhappy feelings that the couple had been harbouring.

Victor had asked his wife Victoria, where she would like to have dinner since it was a Saturday evening and they were not going to cook and mess up the kitchen. She thought for a moment and candidly said, ‘Why not we go to Chomp Chomp, they have nice food and I missed the Hokien Prawn noddle and Popiah?’

Victor did not seem keen on the choice of location and said, ‘Dear, you know it’s a Saturday and the crowd will be very heavy and we have to wait for some time before we can even get our food,’

Victoria was determined, ‘I don’t mind waiting as I suddenly have a craving for these foods. After all, we are free and there is no work tomorrow so waiting is not an issue with me.’

‘But that place is not air-conditioned and by the time we ordered and get our food it will be too uncomfortable for me as you know I perspire a lot especially in this humidity.’ Victor explained.

‘Why you always argue with me? You asked me and I have suggested and now you are not happy to go there. So what is in your mind? I told you that I do not mind waiting.’ Victoria retorted.

Victor wasn’t pleased and said, ‘Can we go somewhere else instead, maybe an air-conditioned place?’

‘Why are you so against going there and I already told you that I have a craving for those foods there. Obviously, you are purposely going against my wish!’ Victoria sounded agitated.

‘Okay, okay let’s go there. I think we had better walk there since it is only about 10 minutes’ stroll from our house. Also, finding a parking lot there would be extremely difficult at this time of the evening.’ Victor chipped in.

Victoria was perturbed and replied, ‘Why? You want to save petrol? It is so unhealthy to walk with this stupid haze still at the unhealthy range. I am definitely not going to walk there. You want me to die earlier eh?’

Back to where they were waiting for a parking slot, Victor had used up his last ounce of patience. So, he suggested that they go somewhere else instead, to have their meal, since waiting for a parking space seemed like eternity. He ventured, ‘Where shall we go now?’ She replied, ‘I don’t know and I don’t care. I have no mood to eat anymore. Just now, I told you to wait at that corner but you refused and then a car got out of that lot and we missed it. Always so stubborn and never listen to me.’ She grumbled angrily.

Not wishing to provoke further negativity in the situation, Victor edged on, ‘So, are we going to wait or move on?’ There was complete silence from Victoria. After two more attempts to extract an answer, Victor gave up when faced by a wall of silence and said, ‘Okay, we better go home now since it appears that you are no longer interested to have dinner.’ He surmised that dinner would definitely be very unpleasant if Victoria was not even going to open up and talk.

They arrived home and were met at the door by Victoria’s father. He could immediately sense that there was something amiss, the moment he saw the sunken faces of the couple. They had agreed to buy dinner home for him but had returned empty handed. Not wishing to see this unhappy state of affairs, he probed hoping to be able to ease the tension that had enveloped the couple. So Dad asked, ‘Hey! You both have forgotten my dinner or have the food stalls been closed for renovations?’ ‘No dad.’ Victor replied, ‘We had an argument because we couldn’t get a parking lot, and she seemed to have lost her mode for food. Sorry dad that I have forgotten about buying your dinner.’

Being philosophical Dad replied, ‘It’s alright, don’t worry about my dinner.’ Turning to Victoria, he continued, ‘Vicky, being unhappy about things does not mean that everything is imperfect. It just means that you have not decided to accept and overlook imperfections. If you can dismiss the things that make you unhappy and turn your focus to things that give you joy, everything would be different. There are always alternatives in life that can turn a negative situation into a positive one. It just requires a change of mind set, that’s all.’

Victoria replied, ‘But he always wants to argue and upset me and also does not listen to me at all. I cannot change him which is most frustrating and upsetting.’

Dad had this to add, ‘You must learn to understand him and accept him just the way he is. Every person is shaped differently due to upbringing and many factors. As long as he is kind, considerate and cares, you should not try to change the character that he is. Change can only come from within a person if he wants to correct himself.’ He went on, ‘Remember that even hardened criminals and innocent babies are motivated by two things: Love and acceptance.’

For Victor, Dad had this to say, ‘Always be who you are because people who mind don’t matter, and people who matter don’t mind.

Acceptance is not a submission when you agreed to go to Chomp Chomp and to drive instead of walking there because you care and love Vicky. It is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. That is very gallant of you and I am glad to have a son-in-law in you.’

Victoria understood and smiled and gave Victor a kiss while saying, ‘Thank you very much dad.’ .. ‘Thanks dad.’ Victor nodded in appreciation.

The morals of the story:

Acceptance means embracing what is, rather than wishing for what is not. When we accept difficult realities, we are able to discover whatever positive feelings and experiences that may be possible in that situation.

With acceptance, we find ourselves more at peace and able to experience life more deeply.

Acceptance must be guided by discernment – learning how to tell the difference between what we can change and what we cannot.

Acceptance of our faults and the faults of others helps us to be patient and to avoid hurtful kinds of criticism or judgments. By accepting faults we become more able to trust and celebrate strengths.

Peter T H Koh
07.11.2015