Overthinking & Relationship

Overthinking is often the root cause of a relationship breakdown especially in marriage. Couples often worry about each other and about what the other is doing or become suspicious over infidelity or issues that can wane their bonding.

When a couple decides to make a marriage vow, it is obviously intended to be kept “till death do us part”. It is so easy to say “I do” but with the passage of time, many couples lost affections for each

other or the desire to continue to keep the sacred vow alive because “familiarity breeds contempt”. Often too they may could have met up with more interesting people with whom they have gradually grown affections for. This is the usual sad story of “marrying in haste, repent at leisure”.

Nevertheless, if couples can keep some basic rules on the marriage and be committed to keeping the relationship healthy through simple acts of care, concern and consideration, the marriage bond can seriously be kept for the purpose for which it is consummated.

Perhaps the following twin Alphabets of Marriage is worth reading:

A B :

Avoid Blaming which is a game that only erodes the relationship. Blaming takes away the responsibility to explain in order to resolve. Disputes can only occur when two persons are in disagreement and pointing fingers is never a wise thing to do. As a person points a finger at the partner, three fingers are actually pointing back at the person. A pointing finger leads to confrontation and induces the creation of a wall of defense which is often immediately put up by the other. Do not build walls to cut off but rather build trust for preservation of the right to privacy in a relationship.

C D :

Confront Directly the issues at hand for resolution instead of brewing the problem that caused the disagreement or dispute. The problem once established should always be left aside as dwelling into it is non-productive and will create more drift in the relationship. Setting the right priorities in resolution is the correct focus that must be adopted. Remember to put aside personal feelings or issues which can further harm and aggravate the discussion as hurt emotions are not only difficult to handle but takes a long time to heal. Seek not to be right but the right to understand rather than to be understood.

E F :

Explain Fully the reasons for what had happened and then seek clarity of purpose to move forward. Pause to reflect if there is any contributory factor from oneself before trying to shift the fault to another. Accepting a share of responsibility is a gallant act of reconciliation. Setting the right priorities in the resolution of problems is the correct and most appropriate way to minimize the hurt or misery that a mistake may have inflicted or caused.

G H :

Give Hope not despair to the person with the problem by being compassionate and understanding so that, he/she can find the relief and consolation that are more important to address the unhappiness that gave rise to the dispute or argument. Hope is the natural product of kindness.

I J :

Ignore Judging because the truth may be further from what the surface shows. There are always two sides to a story and unless we search deeper, we may not fully understand and appreciate what and why the real intentions were when someone had said or committed an act which was unacceptable and considered to be outside the norm.

K L:

Knowing Less is in fact a better option to look at a problem because in probing further, one may discover further things that can inflict even more hurt to self than the plight to resolve the issues at hand. Most times truths do hurt emotionally and if one cannot accept the consequences of discovery, it may be better to let go of the search and then move on instead.

M N :

Must Never utter unkind remarks at each other be it in jest or not. Words spoken in anger are difficult if not impossible to retrieve or replace as they do leave emotional scars in the heart. A couple would be prudent to learn and accept the idiosyncrasies of their partner as there is no such thing as a perfect person nor a perfect couple without problems or hiccups. Learning to live with it is a milestone in itself as no person can honestly declare that he is born out of perfection. Acceptance of a partner’s traits is nectar for survival as it generates long serving togetherness.

O P : Offer Personal assistance in whatever way possible to gain trust and confidence with each other and to relief any setbacks that one’s partner may face or encounter from time to time. There is no better person than your partner in marriage to turn to in the event of upheavals in life as parents may not always be there to offer their comforting advice, help and wisdom. Have a good trustworthy friend whom you can always turn to in such circumstances.

Q R :

Quietly Respect the time of your partner although the marriage bond is founded on togetherness but often a person do need some private and quiet time alone to reflect and review his or her life in the fast changing pace of developments in a progressive society. Most persons have inner secrets that some cannot or do not wish to disclose or share as it may sour and affect the relationship. As long as there is nothing that is insincere which can tarnish the mutual maintenance of goodwill and love, disclosure is of no useful purpose to bondage while honesty is a matter for self preservation and observation.

S T :

Staying Together through thick and thin is not only sensible but an ideal thing to do because nobody knows for sure what lies ahead in their journey in life. There will always be many twists and turns, ups and downs as are also many trials and tribulations that from time to time surface to challenge and test the couple’s resolute and mental preparedness.

Sharing time together with constant interchange of views and ideas will give rise to commonality of sense and purpose in pursuits that are mutually beneficial.

U V : Understanding Values in morality and humanity and applying them generously can make co-existence not only meaningful but can in turn strongly cement the bond of togetherness and bring it to greater heights. Nothing beats “Unity” which has always withstood the test of time. A united and loving couple is like a fortress that many will envy and would love to have and build.

W X :

Wrongly X-ing the true intentions of a partner’s action or request is not uncommon because many a time, good intentions are often wrongly misinterpreted causing frictions to emerge. In case of doubt, always seek clarification instead of allowing the misassumptions to be captured and kept in the heart where resentment and doubts can start to grow and gradually erode the relationship.

Y Z :

Yielding Zenith to allow a partner the space and position to observe and to practise sharing in all aspects of living together in harmony makes companionship a great place of abode. It does not mean that giving way to many things in life even when one feels that he/she is correct, is a loss in stature or position. When a person wins an argument it really means that he/she has in fact lost. The loser being unhappy will feel adversely towards the partner and thus such unwarranted feeling does not augur well for a good lasting relationship.

Live well by thinking well of your partner at all times.